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case is closed I’ll contact the branch manager. restaurant on the moon: food’s great but there’s no atmosphere! pigeons out  Should bacon be eaten with the fingers.jpg Walk this way, Sir.  frayed knot incidentally I am  Fish Counter Joke.jpg   Mary and Bill Furnish Funny Letter or something 2.jpg  Mary and Bill Furnish Funny Letter or something ENVELOPE 1977.jpg  The Dead's Recording of Truckin'.jpg  Sunrise Meme Dec 10, 2020.jpg I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. In a country where anyone can be anything, I will never understand why you chose to be mediocre. Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons. An alcoholic squinting modifier went into a bar and said, "People who drink very seldom get sick." A missplaced modifier walked into a bar and paid for a dry martini with a twist of lemon. A dangling participle walks into a bar. After finishing his drink, the bartender asks him to pay for it. Isn’t it rather dangerous to use one’s entire vocabulary in a single sentence? If he were any dumber, someone would have to water him twice a week. A man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No," he shouts. "This is her husband!" I'm not gay; I'm straighter than the pole Melania dances with. If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb Trump's ego and make the dizzing leap all the way down to his IQ. I just stepped in something that was smarter than you… and smelled better too. Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons. case is closed I’ll contact the branch manager. restaurant on the moon: food’s great but there’s no atmosphere! frayed knot incidentally I am What? and Let out all of my pigeons? Mr. James is robbing the train shoot the lawyer twice cheeses of nazareth hey mccloud get off of my ewe one in two million chance of someday becoming a blond… a parrot can say no They come out with a musical I have to go ….k the cat How many Taoists one not to put in the light bulb You mean it isn’t? That’s mozart? I don’t like it. How can you marry Peter? He isn’t Jewish! chinese guy: You know you no look jew. I’ll show you what I do! I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it tonight. I’m not allowed on the couch Fingers should be eaten separately. The sparrow’s his arranger. The customer asks he waiter to taste the soup. Is there something wrong? I will fix it. TASTE THE SOUP if you like I can bring you another TASTE THE SOUP where’s the spoon? A TALKING dog! A mother had to admonish her son after he told her he didn't want to go back to school. "All the teachers and all the kids hate me!" he cried. "It doesn’t matter if all the kids and all the teachers hate you," his mother told him. You have to go back to that school! You’re the principal!" Should I tell about my Republican uncle. … I murdered my wife with an ax. Ah, so you’re single? What did the deadhead say when he stopped smoking marijuana? This music is awful! How many psychiatrists..lightbulb. What do YOU think? One, but the bulb has to Want to change. What’s the first thing you know? Old Jed’s a millionaire. How does a musician make a million dollars. He starts with seven million. St. Peter.. just tell me the greatest thing you ever did. black guy says I made love to the daughter of the grand dragon of the KKK under the bleachers at the Jackson Mississippi stadium. Really? when did you do that. About five minutes ago! What does a drummer doing a solo have in common with a Fox News commentator. Everyone’s so relieved when he finally leaves the set. An Eb, Bb, and Ab chord walk into a bar. The bartender says to the Eb chord, I thought I told you never to come back here. You're eighty-sixed. Get out! The Eb chord leaves and the bartender says, "What'll you fellahs have?" The Ab answers, "We were going to have one of those gin drinks, but now we don't have any tonic." Yuck! Yuck! Yuck I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning! The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether." The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!" I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening." My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway. REPEATING REPEATING??????? *********************** Mr. James is robbing the train shoot the lawyer twice cheeses of nazareth hey mccloud get off of my ewe one in two million chance of someday becoming a blond… a parrot can say no They come out with a musical I have to go ….k the cat How many Taoists one not to put in the light bulb You mean it isn’t? That’s mozart? I don’t like it. How can you marry Peter? He isn’t Jewish! chinese guy: You know you no look jew. I’ll show you what I do! I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it tonight. I’m not allowed on the couch Fingers should be eaten separately. The sparrow’s his arranger. where’s the spoon? A TALKING dog! It doesn’t matter if all the kids hate you…you’re the principal! Should I tell about my Republican uncle. … I murdered my wife with an ax. Ah, so you’re single? What did the deadhead say when he stopped smoking marijuana? This music is awful! How many psychiatrists..lightbulb. One, but the bulb has to Want to change. What’s the first thing you know? Old Jed’s a millionaire. How does a musician make a million dollars. He starts with seven million. St. Peter.. just tell me the greatest thing you ever did. black guy says I made love to the daughter of the grand dragon of the KKK under the bleachers at the Jackson Mississippi stadium. Really? when did you do that. About five minutes ago! What does a drummer doing a solo have in common with a Fox News commentator. Everyone’s so relieved when he finally leaves the set. An Eb, Bb, and Ab chord walk into a bar. The bartender says to the Eb chord, I thought I told you never to come back here. You're eighty-sixed. Get out! The Eb chord leaves and the bartender says, "What'll you fellahs have?" The Ab answers, "We were going to have one of those gin drinks, but now we don't have any tonic." Yuck! Yuck! Yuck I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning! The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether." The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!" I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening." My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.  Dear Abby Lousy Republican Uncle in Texas.jpg  Houses of Parliment.jpg
 Steve's Rat and My Joke.jpg |
   A redundancy walked into a bar and when he left he settled up paying his tab. A double negative walked into a bar and didn't order nothing to drink. A split infinitive walked into a bar intending to secretly have a drink with his mistress but his wife caught him.  A split infinitive walked into a bar.jpg An
ambiguity sends a text message and
his friend answers:
 STEVE'S MESSENGER MESSAGE FROM ARGENTINA AUGUST 14, 2019 ABOVE.   Riego Rivera.jpg  FOR THE ISLAND NAME DIEGO GARCIA
 Mark Zuckerberg Meme.jpg    Security PorpoisesB.jpg  Burro Aburrido.jpg  Soy Milk.jpg  Frying Pan Non-stick.jpg  I locked my geese in the car.jpg  Kat2.jpg  kat.jpg  Dung let go of my throat.jpg ANDY BOROWITZ Published Aug. 31, 2014|Updated Sept. 2, 2014 ADVERTISEMENT
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